-Prisoner of myself

-I say u cant kill him,he is already dead. he lives in this prison that he has created himself... scraping this cold hard earth for a piece of himself. He is a prisoner of the worst kind of jail...A PRISONER OF HIMSELF. Its a solitary confinement. A life of solitude by choice however. A PRISONER OF HIMSELF. Melancholy is his right hand. Desensitized to positivity, affection is obsolete in his world. Anger has become an accustomed aesthetic in this life...He is hateful vengeful and particularly vindictive to himself....sick of psychology;counterfeit cure!!!!HE IS A PRISONER OF THE WORST KIND OF JAIL... heart full OF pain; mind full of distress.. where do u run when u have jailed yourself..........HELP HIM. HE IS U!!!

SELF DESTRUCTION

:::Mr Intimidation;Perfection is an illusion-

Dear Mr Intimidation,

It almost seems like you were meticulously co-ordinated to fit this illusion of a perfect man I have created most of my life....which may be illogical realistically.lol Your traits are everything I relish....and while your credentials and characteristics seem to evoke some type of giddiness, they were might be the same traits that will eventually intimidate me. TB'C

-SO LISTEN

i met an indian couple today; it was an arranged marriage and up untill three months ago, they hadnt seen each other. They live together now;happily married... I dont recall the last time i met a couple as content with each other as these two are..You should see the calm euphoria they elicit out of one another.....

Arranged marriages have recieved a lot of backlash in the past few years but i might reconsider...afterall, your parents know you the best and should be able to predict what you seek in a partner...no? TO BE CONT'D

-conversations with myself

:::flashback; Freshman year in college, an akata boy ( and i use akata because my readers for this posting are selective) in my school from brooklyn made a comment about my skin. It was about 8 of us in a room getting ready to see the movie; saw which I dreaded. I only decided to go because my room mate insisted I come with her....so this akata boy said something to the effect of..." why do you look soo black;are you from africa....my initial sentiment was anger. How dare he?!?! my lips were making some kind of movements as I recall but nothing emerged from them... I managed to create a sense of normalcy but what I honestly wanted to do was to pick up one of the chairs and hit him....How could someone be soo blissfully ignorant...? I had never had such an encounter so this all took me by surprise. His behaviour supported my assertion that (most) akata people are certifiably crazy.......I excused myself and left without my roommate.......of course I have never mentioned this to anybody till the other day when my girlfriend Jo and I were discussing race... I had to utter the words though to realise how far I have come.... and what I realy wanted to tell that poor lost skata boy.Over the years though, I have discovered myself. I swear I love this skin that I wear and today I will loove to meet that ignorant akata boy and have a conversation with him enlightening him about how ignornat he realy is and how much I would looove wearing this skin.

the thing is people are going to be ignorant all the time.....I feel as though there is some kind of animosity towards afrikans from akata people.......

Anyways.. this week has been very crazy.. lots of work. Happy to see the weekend. I miss my family VERY MUCH. especially my brother. Living alone has taught me soo much about myself. that i didnt know... I posted my previous blog; my black is beautiful on my facebook and recieved both megative feedback. I recieved a message from the guy justifying the portrayal of dark skinned afrikan women as undersirable and you know I was sure to send him a looong nice reply:) I am tired now....sleep is calling

Free @ last: ♥ my black is beautiful =)*

Free @ last: ♥ my black is beautiful =)*: "....In my twenty something years of living, I must say that I have been comfortable in this dark skin that I wear... Even growing up as a..."

♥ my black is beautiful =)*

....In my twenty something years of living, I must say that I have been comfortable in this dark skin that I wear... Even growing up as a kid, I never for once questioned why I didn't look like the "fair girl or the lebanese girl in my class".... I was content that i looked like my beautiful black parents.....Is this because I grew up in country where 99 percent of the population looked just like me;dark skinned. I dont even recall anybody ever using the work light skinned or dark skinned.........

Fast forward;2010......I have come to a conclusion that we live in a society that has a preference for lighter skinned girls..the root of this prejudice runs deep all throughout the country....the media is not to be blamed entirely for this menace(yes I called it menace);its a conplex situation...soo multi dimensional.... The idea that the light skinned female is more desirable than the dark skinned female is absurd.....the preference for light skinned girls has expanded exponentially..hmmm

below are some ingnorant comments made by these "supposedly role models"

• In a radio interview, popular R&B singer, Neyo commented that "all the prettiest kids are light-skinned..." [when asked about his current love life.] • Singer Omarion admitted that he has a preference for lighter skinned women, as his own mother is "light-skinned—and it would be natural for him to be attracted to women who look that way." • Hip-hop mogul, Diddy has also come under fire. In March of 2009, he placed an ad seeking models for a Ciroc Vodka promotion—as long as they were"White, Hispanic, or light-skinned African American."

im not reali worried about that cos I am not from here lol.. but to find out GhANAIANS are depicting darker skinned girls are undesirable comes as a shock to me.. I mean seriously.. since when did we even start using words like dark skinned and light skinned. I came across a ghanaian commercial the other day (Vodafone;30 30) YES!! I AM CALLING YOU OUT!. This commercial depicted dark skinned afrikan women as undesirable. What message are we sending accross to the little girls in Ghana who happen to be predominantly dark skinned?!?!?

the effect of such portrayal will have a tremendous effects on the self esteem of these girls which will ultimately lead them to feel inferior to lighter skinned gurls...

I am a confortable dark afrikan gurl; I dont feel the need to comform to societal standards of beauty. Sometimes I shave all my hair and as long as I feel beautiful inside, I am good to go. I owe such confidence to my beautiful parents;Seth&Victoria Amoama=)*

My black is beautiful ♥

dont judge just read

I developed this habit of watchinq criminal documentaries for about 6 years now....I have also suddenly developed this interest in interwined suspense novels ( both fiction and non fiction).....

well when you live by yourself, these things are just another one of those methodic things you do everyday...

Anyways, so I have been watchinq women on death row season 1 through 5 all day....and while these women appear soo vindictive at a first glace, after critical analysis of their childhood and life as a whole, its pretty clear that all the abuse they experienced would become the catalyst of a psychotic filled life....

while I dont justify or condone any of these despicable crimes....I have learnt to understand the dangers and effects of an abusive childhood and what it can ultimately lead to........

- i blast music excessively loud so that i donot hear my own thoughts .this life of solitude has made me overly analytical...thoughts..soo many thoughts cloggin up my brain. i seriously feel like i have played by and around the rules until i have reached the threshold where proficiency is somehow just not enough....
.

::::she hid her scars under her tattoos

"She was cynical; not only about love but about her entire world. This convuluded world had orchestrated a contemptuous creature. The thought of love elicited repulsiveness.....Consequently, she had grown skeptical in every aspect of her life. The contempt for mankind and the world was eventually weighing her down...soon she was going to reach the brink of breakdown....This lifestyle had detrimental effects which could ultimately lead to her demise yet she vehemently stood by her cynicism.And then.................."

breaking free from the shackles of stereotype

I wake laying here;

Forgetting who I is and why I lays here;

I realize I am a product of this world unfair;

Man don't want to share;

This odyssey has made it so clear;

You must to sacrifice your soul or defer

i was channelling an old southern lady bit i kinda failed...?! idk