2/5/11
2/4/11
hell is here right on earth
Hell is here, right here on earth. Tucked away in a place that can not see.
We are blind to the true hands of satan that gradually steal food, home and life of humans, human … just like us.
We complain every day about things that we can have another day.
They are expecting a little more than half of what you throw away.
my fake nonchalance facade is about to hit the fan
&&&deep down, im just a vulnerable little gurl who secretly wants to belong…..i struggle to maintain this fake nonchalance—BAAH
i struggle realy hard to maintain this fake nonchalance
--black stacey-
I used to hump my pillow at night The type of silent prayer to make myself prepare for the light Me and my cousin Duce would rank the girls between one and ten And the highest number got to be my pillow’s pretend Now I apologize to every high ranker But you taught me how to dream and so I also thank you I never had the courage to approach you at school We joked around a lot and I know you thought I dressed cool But I was just covering up All the insecurities that came bubbling up My complexion had me stuck in an emotional rut, like the time you Flavor Flav’d me and you played me “Yo Chuck, They say you’re too black, man.” I think I’m too black Mom, do you think I’m too black? I think I’m too black I think I’m too black, I think I’m too black, black, black, black, black Black Stacey They called me Black Stacey I never got to be myself ‘cause to myself I always was Black Stacey In polka dots and paisley, A double goose and Bally shoes, You thought it wouldn’t phase me I was Black Stacey The preacher’s son from Haiti Who rhymed a lot and always got The dance steps at the party I was Black Stacey You thought it wouldn’t faze me, but it did ‘Cause I was just a kid I used to use bleaching creme ‘Til Madame CJ Walker walked into my dreams I dreamt of being white and complimented by you, But the only shiny black thing that you liked was my shoes Now, I apologize for bottling up All the little things you said that warped my head and my gut Even though I always told you not to brag About the fact that your great grand mother was raped by her Slave master Yeah, I became militant too So it was clear on every level I was blacker than you I turned you on to Malcolm X and Assata Shakur Iin the three quarter elephant goose with the fur I had the high top fade Wwith the steps on the side I had the two finger ring, rag top on the ride I had the sheep skin, name belt, Lee suit, Kangol, acid wash, Roscoe’s chicken and waffle. Black Stacey They called me Black Stacey I never got to be myself ‘cause to myself I always was Black Stacey In polka dots and paisley, A double goose and Bally shoes, You thought it wouldn’t phase me I was Black Stacey The preacher’s son from Haiti Who rhymed a lot and always got The dance steps at the party I was Black Stacey You thought it wouldn’t faze me, but it did ‘Cause I was just a kid Stick up, ha ha ha stick up Stick up, ha ha ha stick up They say I’m too black They say I’m too black Hold up, y’all Here we go Now here’s a little message for you All you balla playas got some insecurities too That you could cover up, bling it up Cash in and ching ching it up Hope no one will bring it up Lock it down and string it up Or you can share your essence with us ‘Cause everything about you couldn’t be rugged and ruff And even though you tote a glock and you’re hot on the streets If you dare to share your heart, we’ll nod our heads to its beat And you should do that, if nothing else, to prove that A player like you could keep it honest and true Don’t mean to call your bluff but mothafucka that’s what I do You got platinum chain then, son, I’m probably talking to you And you can call your gang, your posse and the rest of your crew And while you’re at it, get them addicts and the indigent, too I plan to have a whole army by the time that I’m through To load their guns with songs they haven’t sung, like, Black Stacey They called me Black Stacey I never got to be myself ‘cause to myself I always was Black Stacey In polka dots and paisley, A double goose and Bally shoes, You thought it wouldn’t phase me I was Black Stacey The preacher’s son from Haiti Who rhymed a lot and always got The dance steps at the party I was Black Stacey You thought it wouldn’t faze me, but it did ‘Cause I was just a kid Black Stacey They called me Black Stacey I never got to be myself ‘cause to myself I always was Black Stacey They call me Black Stacey Ah, Black Stacey Ooh, Black Stacey Ooh, Black Stacey Move Black Stacey Shake Black Stacey Make Black Stacey Cry, cry No, not I.
new book
it reminds me of my childhood in takoradi.
A Guide: How Not To Say Stupid Stuff About Egypt
■“I am so impressed at how articulate Egyptians are.” Does this sound familiar? Imagine saying this about a Latino or African American? You don’t say it. So don’t say it about Egyptians. Gee, thank you oh great person who is of limited experience and human contact for recognizing that out of 80 million people some could be articulate, educated and speak many languages. Not cool. Don’t say it. You may think it, but it makes you sound like a dumb ass.
■“This is so sad”: No, sad were the thirty years of oppression, repression and torture.
■” I loved Sadat”: Mubarak was made of the same cloth of Sadat. Same repression, same ill-treatment of their people, yet you were all in love with Sadat. Hmm, where and when do you think the repression started? The State Of Emergency? Sadat was not loved by the Egyptian people. Why do you love Sadat?
■“What they did to the Mummies is horrible”: Yes, but who did it? Think, Mubarak, for years has been playing the “I am the stabilizing force”. The one thing you know about Egypt, the stuff that was underground and from the past, you will be distraught and find the protestors to be disgusting. Yet it was not the protesters who did it. In Alexandria, the young people protected the library. Did anyone carry that story? Statement from the Director of the Alexandria Library:
The library is safe thanks to Egypt’s youth, whether they be the staff of the Library or the representatives of the demonstrators, who are joining us in guarding the building from potential vandals and looters. I am there daily within the bounds of the curfew hours. However, the Library will be closed to the public for the next few days until the curfew is lifted and events unfold towards an end to the lawlessness and a move towards the resolution of the political issues that triggered the demonstrations.
■“The Muslim Brothers are Terrorists” Maybe you should look at their English Website, or try something easy like this link Check this out:
The Muslim Brotherhood is not on the U.S. Foreign Terrorist Organizations list. It renounced violence in the 1970s and has no active militia (although a provocative martial arts demonstration in December 2006 raised some alarm that they may be regrouping a militia.)
Nevertheless, the Muslim Brotherhood or Ikhwan Al Muslimun in Arabic, is frequently mentioned in relation to groups such as Hamas and Al Qaeda.
■“The Twitter Revolution”. No, this is the Revolution of the Egyptian people. Egyptians resisted for decades. They were tortured, jailed and repressed by the Mubarak and Sadat regimes. Twitter and Facebook are tools. They did not stand in front of the water canons, or go to jail for all these years to get the credit. There were demonstrations all summer long and for a several years through out Egypt but they are rarely covered, because we are worried about what Sarah Palin said, or some moronic Imam saying something stupid. Does it sound a bit arrogant to take credit for a people’s struggle?
■“The women are so brave”: Egyptian women have always been brave. If you want to know about Sadat’s Egypt, read Nawal El Saadawi’s memoir while in jail. Memoirs from the Women’s Prison
■“Al Jazeera has come to it’s own”: Al Jazeera has been on it’s own, you just only noticed. . Do you think you believed the Bush administration spin about Al Jazeera? Just maybe you believed the bullshit? They must be doing something right if all the factions on the ground want to shut them down. The tyrants, the US and the Israelis. Hmm, maybe they are speaking truth to power?
■“Mubarak kept the peace treaty”: So, what do you think, if the Egyptian people choose another government, they will go to war with Israel? Maybe they will demand a few more things from Israel in how they negotiate with the Palestinians. Maybe Gazans will get better treatment? Maybe the balance of power will not be tipped over to Israel? Egypt protests: Israel fears unrest may threaten peace treaty. Hmm, so we should support the oppression of 80 million Egyptians for a false stabilization?
■“If they get Democracy they will elect extremists”. Imagine if the world said that about America. The Tea Party threatens world stability, as did the Bush administration. How would you like if others used that as a threat to support an autocrat who made all opposing parties illegal? In truth, US politics threaten world stability more than Egypt does. Second, the implication is that democracy is not to be trusted in the hands of “certain” nations, people and religions is offensive, racist and ignorant. You do not claim to value human rights, democracy and freedom and then you make exclusions based on race, nationality and religion. Don’t say this shit.
■“The people are so nice”: Yes they are, it’s your ignorant self that assumed they are all terrorists and fanatics. What did you think? Glad you went to Egypt and found the Egyptians nice. After all, they do have a cosmopolitan civilization of over 5,000 years, yet you reduced them to “rag heads” , “jihadists”, “ali babas”, “terrorists”, the list is endless. Imagine saying this about African Americans? Asians? Nope. Just don’t fucking say it. It’s patronizing.
.
■“This is so sad”: No, sad were the thirty years of oppression, repression and torture.
■” I loved Sadat”: Mubarak was made of the same cloth of Sadat. Same repression, same ill-treatment of their people, yet you were all in love with Sadat. Hmm, where and when do you think the repression started? The State Of Emergency? Sadat was not loved by the Egyptian people. Why do you love Sadat?
■“What they did to the Mummies is horrible”: Yes, but who did it? Think, Mubarak, for years has been playing the “I am the stabilizing force”. The one thing you know about Egypt, the stuff that was underground and from the past, you will be distraught and find the protestors to be disgusting. Yet it was not the protesters who did it. In Alexandria, the young people protected the library. Did anyone carry that story? Statement from the Director of the Alexandria Library:
The library is safe thanks to Egypt’s youth, whether they be the staff of the Library or the representatives of the demonstrators, who are joining us in guarding the building from potential vandals and looters. I am there daily within the bounds of the curfew hours. However, the Library will be closed to the public for the next few days until the curfew is lifted and events unfold towards an end to the lawlessness and a move towards the resolution of the political issues that triggered the demonstrations.
■“The Muslim Brothers are Terrorists” Maybe you should look at their English Website, or try something easy like this link Check this out:
The Muslim Brotherhood is not on the U.S. Foreign Terrorist Organizations list. It renounced violence in the 1970s and has no active militia (although a provocative martial arts demonstration in December 2006 raised some alarm that they may be regrouping a militia.)
Nevertheless, the Muslim Brotherhood or Ikhwan Al Muslimun in Arabic, is frequently mentioned in relation to groups such as Hamas and Al Qaeda.
■“The Twitter Revolution”. No, this is the Revolution of the Egyptian people. Egyptians resisted for decades. They were tortured, jailed and repressed by the Mubarak and Sadat regimes. Twitter and Facebook are tools. They did not stand in front of the water canons, or go to jail for all these years to get the credit. There were demonstrations all summer long and for a several years through out Egypt but they are rarely covered, because we are worried about what Sarah Palin said, or some moronic Imam saying something stupid. Does it sound a bit arrogant to take credit for a people’s struggle?
■“The women are so brave”: Egyptian women have always been brave. If you want to know about Sadat’s Egypt, read Nawal El Saadawi’s memoir while in jail. Memoirs from the Women’s Prison
■“Al Jazeera has come to it’s own”: Al Jazeera has been on it’s own, you just only noticed. . Do you think you believed the Bush administration spin about Al Jazeera? Just maybe you believed the bullshit? They must be doing something right if all the factions on the ground want to shut them down. The tyrants, the US and the Israelis. Hmm, maybe they are speaking truth to power?
■“Mubarak kept the peace treaty”: So, what do you think, if the Egyptian people choose another government, they will go to war with Israel? Maybe they will demand a few more things from Israel in how they negotiate with the Palestinians. Maybe Gazans will get better treatment? Maybe the balance of power will not be tipped over to Israel? Egypt protests: Israel fears unrest may threaten peace treaty. Hmm, so we should support the oppression of 80 million Egyptians for a false stabilization?
■“If they get Democracy they will elect extremists”. Imagine if the world said that about America. The Tea Party threatens world stability, as did the Bush administration. How would you like if others used that as a threat to support an autocrat who made all opposing parties illegal? In truth, US politics threaten world stability more than Egypt does. Second, the implication is that democracy is not to be trusted in the hands of “certain” nations, people and religions is offensive, racist and ignorant. You do not claim to value human rights, democracy and freedom and then you make exclusions based on race, nationality and religion. Don’t say this shit.
■“The people are so nice”: Yes they are, it’s your ignorant self that assumed they are all terrorists and fanatics. What did you think? Glad you went to Egypt and found the Egyptians nice. After all, they do have a cosmopolitan civilization of over 5,000 years, yet you reduced them to “rag heads” , “jihadists”, “ali babas”, “terrorists”, the list is endless. Imagine saying this about African Americans? Asians? Nope. Just don’t fucking say it. It’s patronizing.
.
1/12/11
10/5/10
-Prisoner of myself
-I say u cant kill him,he is already dead. he lives in this prison that he has created himself... scraping this cold hard earth for a piece of himself. He is a prisoner of the worst kind of jail...A PRISONER OF HIMSELF. Its a solitary confinement. A life of solitude by choice however. A PRISONER OF HIMSELF. Melancholy is his right hand. Desensitized to positivity, affection is obsolete in his world. Anger has become an accustomed aesthetic in this life...He is hateful vengeful and particularly vindictive to himself....sick of psychology;counterfeit cure!!!!HE IS A PRISONER OF THE WORST KIND OF JAIL... heart full OF pain; mind full of distress.. where do u run when u have jailed yourself..........HELP HIM. HE IS U!!!
SELF DESTRUCTION
9/19/10
:::Mr Intimidation;Perfection is an illusion-
Dear Mr Intimidation,
It almost seems like you were meticulously co-ordinated to fit this illusion of a perfect man I have created most of my life....which may be illogical realistically.lol Your traits are everything I relish....and while your credentials and characteristics seem to evoke some type of giddiness, they were might be the same traits that will eventually intimidate me. TB'C
9/3/10
-SO LISTEN
i met an indian couple today; it was an arranged marriage and up untill three months ago, they hadnt seen each other. They live together now;happily married... I dont recall the last time i met a couple as content with each other as these two are..You should see the calm euphoria they elicit out of one another.....
Arranged marriages have recieved a lot of backlash in the past few years but i might reconsider...afterall, your parents know you the best and should be able to predict what you seek in a partner...no? TO BE CONT'D
8/7/10
-conversations with myself
:::flashback; Freshman year in college, an akata boy ( and i use akata because my readers for this posting are selective) in my school from brooklyn made a comment about my skin. It was about 8 of us in a room getting ready to see the movie; saw which I dreaded. I only decided to go because my room mate insisted I come with her....so this akata boy said something to the effect of..." why do you look soo black;are you from africa....my initial sentiment was anger. How dare he?!?! my lips were making some kind of movements as I recall but nothing emerged from them... I managed to create a sense of normalcy but what I honestly wanted to do was to pick up one of the chairs and hit him....How could someone be soo blissfully ignorant...? I had never had such an encounter so this all took me by surprise. His behaviour supported my assertion that (most) akata people are certifiably crazy.......I excused myself and left without my roommate.......of course I have never mentioned this to anybody till the other day when my girlfriend Jo and I were discussing race... I had to utter the words though to realise how far I have come.... and what I realy wanted to tell that poor lost skata boy.Over the years though, I have discovered myself. I swear I love this skin that I wear and today I will loove to meet that ignorant akata boy and have a conversation with him enlightening him about how ignornat he realy is and how much I would looove wearing this skin.
the thing is people are going to be ignorant all the time.....I feel as though there is some kind of animosity towards afrikans from akata people.......
Anyways.. this week has been very crazy.. lots of work. Happy to see the weekend. I miss my family VERY MUCH. especially my brother. Living alone has taught me soo much about myself. that i didnt know... I posted my previous blog; my black is beautiful on my facebook and recieved both megative feedback. I recieved a message from the guy justifying the portrayal of dark skinned afrikan women as undersirable and you know I was sure to send him a looong nice reply:) I am tired now....sleep is calling
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